I am inclined to believe that every woman hates her husband once in a while. Is this generally true or is it just me? Well, I am in a hating mood at the moment. I have been so for almost 24 hours now. However, once it goes away, it's all gone for me. I don't like addressing the issue over and over again, I like leaving it where it is... until later in the future where we argue over something! If relative to the issue, I will certainly bring it up and say, "but you said so and so, and you did such and such.."
Yeah, I know, it's bad, but I can't help myself, and I feel great pleasure in remembering it when 'needed'! :) It comes in very handy especially since men are known not to have a very good memory. Of course this is the main reason they do not remember any special dates. Yes yes, we get angry at them for not remembering the things we believe they should, but it is also good when they can't remember things in an argument too.
Women! I can almost understand why men are so frustrated when they can't understand us. :)
Anyhow, almost 2 months ago we started a marriage course with my significant other (note that I don't feel that way about him now... if I try hard enough, I may convince myself to do so). We have overcome 4 years of marriage mashaallah and alhamdulillah, but we still haven't got to the stage where I don't care about his acts. There are so many, so I will just classify them as "acts" for sake of privacy and simplicity. :)
Soooo, I thought let's go do the marriage course. This course is actually for men and women who are engaged to be married. So it should be done before marriage, but since we were in Turkey for our wedding and we were there for a few years, we were given an exception. It is not a course on a regular schedule or anything. We have only had one session for now, and I would like to share some of the points that were covered and at the same time remind myself, because after the first session I felt so calm, happy and content that I want to feel that way again. That lasted us for 2 months. Maybe the reminder will last me for some more time until the next session.
The following points are from my notes...
1. Marriage is ibadah (worship)
Everything you do with your significant other is considered as worship, including intimacy. So if you go out for a walk with your significant other, even that is considered as worship. How good is that?
After this point, I started seeing the things we did together in a different light.
2. Islam is the judge
Islam is the primary judge in every matter and every argument. If one is a Muslim, then Islam must be the deciding authority. Unless one accepts this, the remaining points have no significance at all.
Once Islam is accepted as the judge, all decision will become easier.
I can't tell you how much I agree with this. I know this is a given, but I personally seem to forget this with time, and unfortunately all my other personal desires prevail.
After being reminded of this, we were both influenced, and believe me, it was sooooo much easier. However, I should note that once this point is neglected, everything else goes bad. I have noticed this in our relationship, because they are all linked to one another. Also, both parties are required to participate in following this point, otherwise it just wont work!
I should also note that I personally believe that a marriage will be blessed if the couples stick to this rule. This is how I felt when we were cautiously trying to stick to this. I felt so serene and peauceful, because I knew that I could easily handle the next thing that came in my way. Especially since my significant other comes home with a different idea every single day! Ugh...
3. Never say anything other than good about your significant other's family
It's actually self-explanatory. If you have nothing good to say, then don't say it at all. However, I have been advised that saying the good things that you like about their family or mentioning any good that they have done is strongly recommended.
I need practice in this area. He has a really good family alhamdulillah, but come on, who hasn't had an argument with their own brother or sister? I have been quite upset with my own mother at times may Allah forgive me, it is so hard not to be upset with the people outside your immediate family, especially if they are in-laws!
4. Never argue next to others
Do not argue or fight next to others, ESPECIALLY next to your children.
5. Never humiliate your significant other
Do not humiliate or act in a way that will humiliate your significant other next to other people. Do not make them look like a fool, don't make fun of them.
I have to agree. Well I agree with the others too, but I do see couples sometimes, and they try to put ther other one down next to others just to make the others laugh or to make themselves appear superior and better. I don't have to tell you what happens when they get home after this, do I?
OK, that's it for this post. I have another 4 points jotted down, but I'm going to leave that for another post. It gets more juicy after this. :)
xoxo
Yeah, I know, it's bad, but I can't help myself, and I feel great pleasure in remembering it when 'needed'! :) It comes in very handy especially since men are known not to have a very good memory. Of course this is the main reason they do not remember any special dates. Yes yes, we get angry at them for not remembering the things we believe they should, but it is also good when they can't remember things in an argument too.
Women! I can almost understand why men are so frustrated when they can't understand us. :)
Anyhow, almost 2 months ago we started a marriage course with my significant other (note that I don't feel that way about him now... if I try hard enough, I may convince myself to do so). We have overcome 4 years of marriage mashaallah and alhamdulillah, but we still haven't got to the stage where I don't care about his acts. There are so many, so I will just classify them as "acts" for sake of privacy and simplicity. :)
Soooo, I thought let's go do the marriage course. This course is actually for men and women who are engaged to be married. So it should be done before marriage, but since we were in Turkey for our wedding and we were there for a few years, we were given an exception. It is not a course on a regular schedule or anything. We have only had one session for now, and I would like to share some of the points that were covered and at the same time remind myself, because after the first session I felt so calm, happy and content that I want to feel that way again. That lasted us for 2 months. Maybe the reminder will last me for some more time until the next session.
The following points are from my notes...
1. Marriage is ibadah (worship)
Everything you do with your significant other is considered as worship, including intimacy. So if you go out for a walk with your significant other, even that is considered as worship. How good is that?
After this point, I started seeing the things we did together in a different light.
2. Islam is the judge
Islam is the primary judge in every matter and every argument. If one is a Muslim, then Islam must be the deciding authority. Unless one accepts this, the remaining points have no significance at all.
Once Islam is accepted as the judge, all decision will become easier.
I can't tell you how much I agree with this. I know this is a given, but I personally seem to forget this with time, and unfortunately all my other personal desires prevail.
After being reminded of this, we were both influenced, and believe me, it was sooooo much easier. However, I should note that once this point is neglected, everything else goes bad. I have noticed this in our relationship, because they are all linked to one another. Also, both parties are required to participate in following this point, otherwise it just wont work!
I should also note that I personally believe that a marriage will be blessed if the couples stick to this rule. This is how I felt when we were cautiously trying to stick to this. I felt so serene and peauceful, because I knew that I could easily handle the next thing that came in my way. Especially since my significant other comes home with a different idea every single day! Ugh...
3. Never say anything other than good about your significant other's family
It's actually self-explanatory. If you have nothing good to say, then don't say it at all. However, I have been advised that saying the good things that you like about their family or mentioning any good that they have done is strongly recommended.
I need practice in this area. He has a really good family alhamdulillah, but come on, who hasn't had an argument with their own brother or sister? I have been quite upset with my own mother at times may Allah forgive me, it is so hard not to be upset with the people outside your immediate family, especially if they are in-laws!
4. Never argue next to others
Do not argue or fight next to others, ESPECIALLY next to your children.
5. Never humiliate your significant other
Do not humiliate or act in a way that will humiliate your significant other next to other people. Do not make them look like a fool, don't make fun of them.
I have to agree. Well I agree with the others too, but I do see couples sometimes, and they try to put ther other one down next to others just to make the others laugh or to make themselves appear superior and better. I don't have to tell you what happens when they get home after this, do I?
OK, that's it for this post. I have another 4 points jotted down, but I'm going to leave that for another post. It gets more juicy after this. :)
xoxo
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